I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place – Gnarls Barkley, Crazy

Following my last post expressing my intentions to free-form, I have received mixed reactions from friends and family. Some are like, ‘Ride on girl, do your thang!’ (cough, cough 😅👍🏽) while others be like, ‘We already know you’re crazy but we still support you. 100%’ 

Yeah… I’m not totally convinced about that tbh. But what about mom? What does she think of the whole idea. No words required. All I got when it managed to slip out my mouth was a short sigh coupled with that look that says ‘not again’ and hand paused on her smartphone like she about to hit speed dial to arrange an urgent deliverance session with Pastor for a child gone beserk. Wow, thanks mom! At least I know you love me whether you think I’m a little mental or not. Right mom? Don’t answer that LOL

And the reaction of those not in favour of the idea? That can be summed up quite briefly: ‘Yuck! What a dreadful idea!’ (No pun intended). So whilst ignoring what everyone else thinks about it, I’ve gone back and forth in my own mind and I’ve finally made a decision. But before I say what that is, I want to go through my free-forming concerns with y’all. And here they are:

#1 things can get freaky

Yep, free-forming is so unpredictable that things can get seriously freaky. I mean, like tree branches growing out of your head and s**t kinda freaky. With free-forming, there’s no telling what to expect and that is a real big concern for me. Everyone’s hair is so unique that each person’s free-form dreads turns out differently. So when I’m really hoping to look like model JuNe’ Lejoi or songstress Calma Carmona, what I might end up looking like is Busta Rhymes from the Woo-Hah days (no offense Busta, you’re still a Don).

‘no more blow-outs, no more twist-outs, no more combing…errr I can live with that one’

Truth is, NO TWO LOCKS ARE THE SAME. I can’t be expecting that if I admire someone else’s locks that mine would turn out looking just like theirs. It doesn’t even matter if I follow the exact technique that they use. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. I have to grow my own locks and accept whatever they turn out to be. Now, that’s a pretty scary thought. Imagine me, a human tree measuring 5”6 inches, walking the streets of London with massive trunks coming out my head and hitting all sorts of faces with them. Too-smug faces, I-live-on-snap-chat faces, I-eat-only-one-slice-of-leaf-a-day faces. Trust me there are too many faces that require slapping in this world. It’s no joke. And it’s not such a bad idea actually. I might do more good than harm by using my face slapping abilities to finally rid the world of some stupidity. Call it social justice.  But am I ready for that kind of Avengers responsibility? Am I ready to be a freak of nature?

#2 ain’t nobody got time

My second concern is how lengthy the free-form process is. I would need to go through quite a few stages before I start to see results. During the budding stage, (this is the initial growth phase of dread locking) I am most likely going to experience a whole lotta shrinkage as my hair starts locking. It would shrink up first before it starts to show length again and that might take a couple years. Yep, years. Lord have mercy but I don’t gat time! I sincerely don’t have that type of patience. I can barely wait when I order food from a restaurant. I literally expect that as the waiter takes my order and walks into the kitchen, he will walk out in 2 seconds with my food in his hands. So Imagine my frustration when I see the same waiter floating aimlessly about the restaurant and still no food in front of me. KMT! And you want me to wait years to see length again. Abeg oh! That would feel like starting a whole new journey which is not what I want. I mean, simply put- that’s a long trip. But saying that, if I make it past the budding stage and my locks reach maturity, I would start to see length again. Problem is, will I survive that long? Really? Really? I dunno tbh.

#3 it’s permanent

Number three, it’s a permanent procedure. Yes, I know I said I can take it out and still retain hair if I didn’t want it anymore but that would be like years later when the locks are fully mature and I was bored of them. During the process, I can’t keep taking my hair out, locking, then unlocking it. That’s like saying I don’t smoke but I have a cigarette every other day. Makes no sense. The freedom of choice would be gone. There would be no more blow-outs, no more twist-outs, no more combing… errr I can live with that one actually but basically hairstyles would be limited to only what I can achieve with locked hair.

#4 unfriendly bacteria

There is also the health concern of possible mould growth. If I DIY it and proper care is not taken, I could come home one day to find my hair having a cuppa with some unfriendly bacteria.

So erm…you like mould? Cos I don’t. And that concludes that for me.

My decision?

At the risk of sounding like an under-seasoned Kentucky fried chicken, I’ve ended up deciding not to free-form… I can hear mom going ‘Oh thank God! I don’t have to arrange that deliverance after all!’ Lol! But I didn’t finish. I’ve ended up deciding not to free-form- just yet. I want to enjoy my natural hair as it is a little longer. I’m thinking of starting my locks next year. And I also want to see how much my hair has grown in four years before locking it up and throwing away the keys. So I will finally be doing a length check! I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to do one. Anyways, will let you know how that goes in my next post.

Till then, keep well ladies!

Peace and Love xxx

PS: For the record – I ain’t no chicken!

Image source: Ikegbus